Stop Thinking. Start Living.

My original intention was to make my next blog post about coming to the end of my exams, and whilst I will be relating that chapter of my life at some point, I currently have other things on my mind that I feel I need to express, and I thought of no better way than doing it through my blog. After all, one of the reasons that it was created was due to me feeling the need to connect with people through my writing. And I suppose what I’m trying to get across to people in this post is that life is never what you expect. It’s never how you write it in your head, and this is why I’ve chosen to write this piece today- contrary to my original plans. There were two things I specifically remember telling myself when I was younger- that I wouldn't ever need a serious operation at a young age and that I will never wear glasses. Ironically, both these things have happened and were very unexpected. Call it tempting fate? It feels seemingly fitting that my blog name is “Is this life, Or are we just dreaming” as this post delves into the human mind, and in a more general way, how we deal with situations in our lives. These past few weeks have been tough. Undoubtedly, exams have been tough for everyone throughout the country, but due to a number of personal issues piled on top of this, I have no trouble admitting that I am struggling and I am going through a rough patch at the moment. I hope this post will help anyone going through their own difficulties and give you more of an insight into my own thoughts on mental health and what makes us human.

The human mind is vast and complex. Some say it’s what separates us from other species that don’t have the same emotional variation that we have. I say it’s a dreadful blessing, having both positive and negative attributes. The cliché is that emotions make us human, and many would quite happily process and deal with their emotions by feeling them. By living through them. By being in tune, and not pushing them away. Because being aware of yourself and how you feel is underrated. Having the ability to express how you feel through various means is underrated. We’re not trapped, albeit we might feel like we are sometimes. I saw the end of my GCSE’s as the light at the end of the tunnel- the end of an era, but unfortunately certain failings following my exams in my own life have left me wondering- will I ever reach the end of the tunnel? It feels like there’s every obstacle in the way right now, as if I’m being tested. But as you will start to see as I move further on in my explanation, the only person that’s testing you is yourself.

My Dad gave me a book. He said he read it years ago, but he thought it might be good if I sat down and gave it a read. I’ve never really resonated with any book regarding the ins and outs of mental health, but after reading the first page, something felt different. It felt like I was being told something I had been missing all along. The book itself is called “Stop Thinking. Start living” by Richard Carlson, an enthusiast on finding inner peace by letting go of pessimistic thoughts. There are so many things I could say about it so far but there’s a real key message that I would like to share with you all today. Your thoughts aren’t real. Thoughts are how we process things, whether it be issues from the past, what’s happening now, or even things that haven’t happened yet. Our experiences are not what make us feel a certain way- it’s how we respond to those experiences through thoughts. Such a simple concept, but one that I think is overlooked by many. Putting it into practice, consider a problem you are facing in your life right now. Think about it. How do you feel? I only brought your problem to your attention by telling you to actively think about it and as a result, the feeling has come back. Thinking is the problem. I’m guilty of being a huge over thinker- I over analyse (which has only ever been beneficial in studying Shakespeare), I speculate, I come up with outlandish scenarios in my head. But that’s all it is. It’s only in my head.

Relationships are experiences. Our relationships with other people are gifts- whether it be a long lasting friendship, a relationship between a father and a daughter, a mother and a son, or a husband and a wife. Our relationships shape us, they enlighten us, we learn things from the outlooks of different people and this gives us new purpose, as they form a huge part of how we respond to things. Simply talking with someone, gaining their support and trust, finding out what sort of a person they are and what they’ve been through is an exciting experience. I’ve never been a huge people person myself, but I like to think that I choose the people in my life wisely, as they are the people I want to share it with. We all have choices, and we all make choices and decisions, constantly, often without realising. Whether it simply be whether or not to choose the more expensive organic produce at the supermarket. But some decisions, some choices can have resounding effects. I find it fascinating how the process of making these decisions are the same though- whether it be huge and devastating, or minor and insignificant. They still shape us. As a 16 year old, I’m not going to sit here and say that I know everything there is to know about relationships, decisions and the human mind, because I’m aware that these things are constantly changing and so am I.

This leads me on nicely to my next point about control. Do we control our actions? Are we in control? Do we lose control sometimes? I personally like to think that there’s certain aspects of life we can control, but what about love? Is love an emotion? Love’s a tricky one. It’s like having an argument with your mother but making up with her 10 seconds later, because deep down, there’s that huge power of love under the surface. You break up with someone- someone who has actively made the choice that this is the best decision for them. Despite the initial heartbreak and anger, do you really stop loving them? Sure, it would be easier not to, but if life was as simple as that, I don’t think I would be sat here making this post today. I’ve come to realise that people fall in and out of your life, perhaps for a reason. You can't control that. Perhaps it's to teach you things, but it doesn’t stop the hurt or the anger that they leave behind and the space of what was. Sometimes I wish I was on a deserted island away from the problems of everyday life, and away from people that cause you harm, because people are unfortunately cruel. We see it on the news all the time. That doesn't mean you have to be though. Choosing to let go, and choosing to love yourself despite the difficulties of life can have so much more impact than unleashing your feelings on others because you think they deserve it. That's one thing you certainly can control. You deserve the happiness found by letting go, and it's already there within you.

That's what the book says anyway. Healthy Psychological Functioning. The inner happiness that we all have. It's about not dwelling on things, about living in the moment and letting things pass you by. I was sat in the park the other day, with thoughts racing around my head when I noticed a young child on the swing next to me. So innocent of the world and so happy. He was so happy that he managed to make me smile- he transferred that bit of happiness onto me, if only for a split second. Bringing this back to my earlier point on life being unexpected- as a child- you make assumptions about life based on experience and the knowledge that is given to you. You're carefree, you're not worried about the next bill you have to pay out, or the pressures of work. You're living in the moment, and sometimes it's the smaller, finer things in life that can bring us the most happiness. I think that's a message for us all. Many say that children don't understand life in the way that people do as you start to grow up, but consider the fact that it's said there's still part of your childhood in you every day. You never lost that capability to be happy- it's been there all along. It's only the questions and formulations that bring about negative thinking. Being sat on that swing brought the nature of everything around me to my attention too. From the people, to the way the leaves were swaying in the breeze- everything felt alive. Take a river for an example. A river is a strong force, so let's take the river to be your mind. Sometimes your mind is stronger and more passionate than other times; sometimes calm and free flowing. Let's say the leaves floating on the river's surface are your thoughts. They come and go. They pass you by. Each leaf a different shape and size, but all part of the same thought system. Those leaves- and more importantly- what happens to those leaves- whether they get trapped and stay put, or continue flowing and eventually dissipate, is determined by the river (or your mind) Only you have the power to control your thoughts and only you can control the flow.

I'm going through a rough patch. I've worked extremely hard for GCSE's; it doesn't feel that long ago since I had mocks to revise for. It's been exam after exam after exam, combined with the pressures and problems in my personal life. I've left high school now- it's the end of an era. My mental health is suffering, but I would have to be a robot to feel nothing. Am I glad I'm feeling pain? No. Am I glad I'm not myself at the moment? No. But I will get through this. Sometimes it's nice to accept some support; there's no shame in admitting that you're going through a difficult time, no matter who you are and however small your problem may feel to you. I've always been proud of myself for being a determined person and I'm not about to give up anytime soon. My friends and my parents have been extremely supportive so I would like to just give a huge thank you to them. Here's to the future. I will dearly miss some people that have been left behind, and others not so much, but it's time to look towards hope and healing. It's a long road, but one I will take in my stride. So next time you're sat down, and you feel low by your thoughts and problems, just promise me one thing. Just take a minute to stop thinking, and really relish in the life that you've been given.